The McDonald's McRib sandwich can be fairly compared to an outbreak of herpes, but in a good way. It comes along maybe twice a year, you do whatever you can to keep yours a secret, and you KNOW 1 out of every 5 people are walking around with it in their pants.

Most of you bastards won't admit it, but the McRib sandwich is flat-out delicious. The mystery meat patty, drenched in tangy BBQ sauce, harmoniously married to pickles and onions on a sesame seed bun. A recipe truly worthy of a elementary school lunch line. Taste aside, it's the curious shape of the patty that grabs my attention (it doesn't take much). It's some kind of mystery pork-type hybrid, oddly molded into the shape of a rack of ribs. I fancy myself an intellectual, so this clearly doesn't fool me. I'm fully in support of processed meat molded into the shape of its possible origin, but why is it shaped like a rack on a sandwich? Do people eat real rib sandwiches? If so, book me, stamp me, and send me there immediately.

Lastly, I'd like to start a campaign to put this delicacy on the McDonald's menu forever. Why does it mysteriously dance in and out of our lives like so many polynesian tranny hookers? Is it to build anticipation? Is it to slowly administer some kind of sinister medication (much like antibiotics are taken twice a day, the McRib is a much larger pill administered twice a year...trust me, it makes sense). Write a letter to your congressman, get Ronald McDonald on the horn, let's get the McRib where it belongs...in our mouths 365 days a year.