| Rank | Food | |
|---|---|---|
| 1 |  |
Taco Bell Cheesy Gordita Crunch Put the word "melty" in the dictionary. Literally, not figuratively. Some decry this as a sign of our deteriorating culture, but I think the stuffy assholes at Merriam-Webster are finally recognizing words I can use. For instance, I don't have a fucking clue what "Maecenas" means, but I do know that the CGC gives me a noticeable erection. |
| 2 |  |
Lion's Choice Roast Beef The restaurant name is something of a misnomer. My knowledge of world geography is confined to what I've been taught by the game of Risk (next vacation: Siam), but in my understanding lions don't have much occasion to choose beef of any kind. But I don't really need wildlife endorsement anyhow -- one taste of this succulent sandwich has made me give up gazelle meat forever. |
| 3 |  |
Arby's Corned Beef Ruben This is a relatively new item at Arby's, but I think history will tell of it as a most favorable dish. If you don't like the sour kraut, leave it off. Nobody cares. I do it all the time. My Jewish friends will scoff at the fast-food imitation of rye bread, but to them I say meshuggah. |
| 4 |  |
Wendy's Spicy Chicken Sandwich This sandwich single-handedly lifted Wendy's into the top tier of fast food establishments, back when they were languishing with such bizarre ideas as the Superbar. (Garlic bread made of stale hamburger buns?). If Wendy's were Comedy Central, the SCS would be their Southpark. |
| 5 |  |
Carl's Jr. Guacamole Bacon 6 Dollar Burger This is without a doubt the WORST thing you can possibly eat while driving. That being said, if I get that shit in the drive through, you better believe it will be gone before I get home, my lap and chin be damned. |
| 6 |  |
Jack-in-the-Box Spicy Chicken Chipotle Ciabatta Sandwich Jesus Christ, does this name really have to be this long? Don't get me wrong, this is a FANTASTIC sandwich, but who's to say it wouldn't be ranked a little higher if it lost some modifiers? I mean, McDonald's doesn't call the Big Mac the Multiple Beef Patties with Special Sauce and an Extra Bun in the Middle Burger. |
| 7 | |
Arby's Roast Beef Sandwich Simple, elegant, classy -- just like that Kim Kardashian sex tape. If the advertisements are any indication, this sandwich can be obtained in the drive through, and then served on silver platters at your formal dinner party with a tooth pick. If you think that's a bad idea, then maybe you're just too poor to recognize class when you see it. Fucking hobo. |
| 8 | |
Taco Bell Mexican Pizza Any time you can combine Italian food with Mexican food, you're bound to get a great result. Just like that sweet lasagna burrito I cook up from time to time, or that excellent ravioli taco. |
| Honorable Mentions | ||
| Fat Burger's Fat Burger, Popeye's Chicken Strips, KFC's Chicken Fried Steak, Backyard Burger's Hawaiian Chicken Sandwich. | ||
--> Main Course
--> Drinks and Desserts
--> Condiments and Sauces
--> Side Items
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