| Rank | Food | |
|---|---|---|
| 1 |  |
They've done it again. Just like what I remember of King Midas, everything Arby's touches turns into a greasy, delicious fast food delicacy. The new sandwiches (philly beef, meatball, and chicken parm) blast into the fast food stratosphere, making my drive-through decision making even more stressful. But the good news is, no matter the choice, we're all winners. |
| 2 |  |
I guess they heard me when I told them I love their food, but wish they had some items I could afford with the change I find in the cracks of my car, next to my collection of old stale french fries. The new "sammies" (which I can only assume are named after the delightful Sammie Davis, Jr.) are delicious, filling, and cheap. You'll need to eat two, but at $1.99, what do you have to lose? |
| 3 |  |
The new Fiesta Platters officially legitimize T-Bell as a fine-dining Mexican Restaurant. These platters look identical to the platters I get from those traveling taco trucks, who's "La Cucaracha" horn honk induces a Pavlovian response I can't resist. And yes, I'm using Roach Coaches as my standard for fine dining Mexican Food. |
| 4 |  |
I've never been a big fan of fish sandwiches, for reasons that I think are fairly obvious. But I gave Wendy's new one a try, and I was pleasantly surprised. It: A) was cooked all the way through; and B) didn't kill me. Hell. It didn't even make me throw up. I give it a solid D-, or after the fish sandwich conversion: A+. That's about as strong of an endorsement as you'll get from me for drive-through "seafood." |
| 5 | |
In line with their theme of mixing and matching any and all ingredients with various shells, Taco Bell has hit another gem: The Gordita Supreme, for a mere 99 cents. Though it has the same filling as a taco or burrito supreme, its delicious secret lies in its warm, billowy, flat-bread shell. Another cookie cutter idea from TB, but more than enough to get them ranked twice in the top 10. |
| 6 |  |
Even though these sons of bitches food-poisoned me a while ago, they made up for it by introducing fried cheesecake nibblers, and mac-and-cheese bites. Both are mediocre, of course, but as is often the case with Sonic, the thought is what counts. |
| 7 |  |
Their adorable new Chicken Ranch Torpedo is a thoughtful blend of a long, thin chicken finger, two slices of cheddar, ranch dressing, and a military-grade torpedo. Or bread, on request. |
| 8 |  |
Shocked the fast food world with a brand new imported cocaine. Get it? Because all Burger Kings are drug fronts, you see. |
| Worst 2 | ||
| 1 |  |
I swear to God if I have to see that portabella mushroom Six Dollar Burger commercial one more goddamn time I will fucking snap. First off, the burger looks disgusting. The only thing that could possibly make it worse is if it had a side order of venomous snakes. Secondly, the commercial where the guy buys all of his work buddies the mushroom burger, and then they all just give him 20 dollars without question. One guy guesses they cost 14 or 15 bucks, but since he drove he can keep the change. Then another guy hands him a 20 and says it's worth 20 bucks. And then the worst of them says, "At LEAST!". As if he wishes he could pay MORE for this piece of shit burger. And after all of that bullshit, I have to hear that same vomit-inducing sound of the burger plopping on the ground. "The portabella mushroom burger. Twenty dollars at some restaurants... about 5 dollars at Carl's Jr." Go fuck yourself Carl. |
| 2 |  |
I was sadly disappointed with the new sauceless buffalo wings. Buffalo sauce is what makes a chicken wing great, and without it, you pretty much have a chicken nugget that you have to eat around the bone. Which is stupid and time consuming. My recommendation: Stick to the Famous Bowls. |
--> Main Course
--> Drinks and Desserts
--> Condiments and Sauces
--> Side Items
--> Week 3
--> Week 2
--> Week 1
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